Following with Two Left Feet.

It's often said of dancing that the right lead can make anyone look good. That the most inexperienced dancer can stop a room with her gracefulness, given she has the right man to guide her steps.

That is, if she agrees to follow. 

I believe it's safe to say following is an under appreciated and often lost art. Following has little to do with your movement, and more to do with anticipating the moves of your partner. Following has everything to do with your attitude. It requires a trust in your partner and a willingness to move where he leads you. 

One of the most powerful moments for me when I was learning to waltz was actually out in a parking lot, ready to leave the dance, discouraged at my lack of ability. A gentlemen, a dear friend of mine, ran out and asked to dance with me before I left. Reluctantly agreeing, I took his hand as the song began. At first nothing changed, I was stumbling all over the place. My lead stopped, and said three terrifying words:


Close your eyes. 

Before I finish the story, let me get to the point of this ramble. You see, I get in this terrible habit of trying to be the lead in this dance called Life. Without communicating with the One who is really in charge, instead I try to force moves He was never intending me to make. Right now its moves like continuing my education at PLBC, something I was so sure of. Finances have made this clear that this step isn't where He's calling me right now, and it's been a struggle to accept.

It's tough when you're called to something that doesn't seem to bring security. It makes you question if you're being lead in love. "God, are you REALLY saying that I need to wait on college-maybe not go at all? Are you REALLY saying I don't need a degree to be worth something? Are you REALLY saying I can be content in you and no one else?" Where my lead is taking me scares me more then I can explain.

Up until this point, I've let that fear win this summer. Not just in this area, in all areas. At work, in relationships, everything. I've settled for less in order to have control. Through it all, I can hear whispered the same thing that was told to me as I stumbled that night in the parking lot

Close your eyes. 

To finish my little story, once I closed my eyes, I was forced to rely on my partner alone, and danced like I had never danced before. It was when I surrendered my stubbornness and what I thought should happen that I was free to dance.  The same thing is already beginning to happen as I let go of my life and hand it over to my faithful, good King who gave it to me in the first place. So, with my eyes closed and not knowing what this will bring, heres where I'm currently being lead:

I'll be staying in Seaside doing a childrens ministry internship, working and living life with my church family at The Cove. After my time there is done, I am looking at the possibility of going straight into YWAM or the World Race, whatever God opens the door for.  I'll be getting more info on that once it gets closer and decisions have been made-right now I'm trying to hold this dream with open hands. Above all, I just want His will to be done. 

Prayer that I would continue to follow His plan instead of forcing my own would mean the world. That this twenty-something would not live in fear, but instead trust her Abba to provide for her every need. Not just in needs for the future either, but today. That He would cover my inadequacy, failings, and foolishness with grace, triumph, and wisdom as I take on this internship.

No one follows perfectly (look at the the disciples of Jesus, they certainly didn't!). Life is messy, lonely at times, and a beautiful chaos. However, learning to have grace with yourself as you try to make sense of two left feet is an exceedingly worthwhile process. The cost of following is nothing compared to the joy of the dance.