Clumsy and Learning to Balance

Life transitions have never been my cup of tea. If you've experienced me during one you'll know that's an incredible understatement. Each time I feel like I've been pushed onto a piece of string over Multnomah Falls. Sure, I'm standing on something, but I'm one step away from falling on my face - arms flailing and feet unsteady.

Processing my time at Ecola, I feel so privileged. Scratch that, I don't just feel privileged, I know I am. The adventures I went on and the love found here on this salty sea shore are more then this girl ever dared hope for.  The people, classes, and stories I had the honor of experiencing are the most precious of treasures. Above all, the grace I  found in learning to trust my Abba has brought me more joy then I'd ever experienced. God captured my heart through the community at Ecola, and radically changed my purpose. My life as I knew it ended, and one in pursuit of Christ began.

Here I am-at the end of the happiest point of my life to date. Standing on a piece of string over Multnomah Falls. I know it's where I need to be, but that doesn't make it less scary. I'm under no allusions that it will be easy. Transparency time, I'm clumsy and I fall victim to fear way too easily. Anxiety and depression are already trying to take the joy I've been given, and it's not even officially summer yet. Work is draining and my attitude wants to give into complaining. Trusting that God's is still good and knows what He's doing is now not clear, but an act of faitht. That's when this verse comes to mind.

But You, Oh Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the Lord, and He answered me from His holy hill.  Psalm 3:3-4

I'm human and at no point will I have it all together. When I rely on myself, I will fall short every time. This is where the love of God is captivating to me. When I step out on that string and trust Him, He guards me. When I'm clumsy and my foot slips, He is my guardrails. When I look down and am focused on the rapids below, He is my glory and the lifter of my head. He sees me and hears me, and He does the same for you friend. He's willing to hold our hand along the way and go with us as far as we are willing to go. He awakens our souls to go further then we ever realized we could.

Right now, I'm not even sure what's on the other side of the waterfall. It's a foggy day and the end can't be seen. After this summer, I have a few different options and trying to prayerfully decide requires more faith then I have on my own. But I know who goes before me and who lives in me. He is enough.